Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. Related Video: Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person Rabbi Dov Heller is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who holds Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University and in Contemporary Theology from Harvard University. He is director of the Aish Ha Torah Counseling Center in Los Angeles, founder of the Relationship Institute, and runs a private practice specializing in adult psychotherapy, marriage counseling and personal guidance.The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. In addition, he provides an international coaching and counseling service via telephone helping people solve their relationship challenges. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide.After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart.To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after they're married... " So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life.
As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience-oriented.To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're "living for," while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.This is the true definition of a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible.